I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The air was thick with penises
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
