she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
