Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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