rhymes with "ouble enetration"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
