Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
