this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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