She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
