Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
