what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
