Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
