he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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