It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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