Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
