How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
