At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
