drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
