I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
