we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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