my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
