So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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