that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
