p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
