so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
