Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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