So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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