So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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