Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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