let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
