Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
