Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
