During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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