I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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