put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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