I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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