Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Found your dick twin last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
