i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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