the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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