just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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