Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
