I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
