Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Two words: nipple clamps
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