he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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