Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
