ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Farmville is her only friend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
