did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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