Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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