im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...