dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.