I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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