I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
