He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
