Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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