Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
