I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
