Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
