I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
