sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
