Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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