READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
