Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
