First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
