plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize