"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
