1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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