I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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