In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
