We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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