Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His hands were made for my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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