My room smells like vodka and shame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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