We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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