the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
