It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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