I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
