i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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