no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
