If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
